So once again another year has flown by and been replaced with a new one, however this year is not just another year but a whole new decade. It’s the 20s again baby! Don’t get me wrong I’m ecstatic about that, I mean if I was ever given the option to go back in time I always say that I’d want to attend a Gatsby esc party during the height of the roaring 20s, but instead of embracing everything this new year has to offer I find myself beginning to slip back into my battle with depression, which is a stark contrast to where I was this time last year.
January 1st last year filled me with so much hope after a hellish New Years Eve, which saw me working 2 shifts at 2 different jobs and falling asleep whilst holding a bowl of Mac and Cheese as soon as I got through the door at quarter to midnight. January 1st 2019 held so much potential to me to sort out my job and money issues, to work on my fitness and my happiness to make it a great year. Let’s face it no year could live up to 2015 which saw me travel to 3 different Disney Parks in the same year as well as meeting the love of my life, but in terms of getting my life in order I definitely fulfilled my goals. I was able to leave my Café job and work at the pub full time with people who feel like family. By sorting out a single stable job, that was closer to home. I was able to start getting my finances in order being able to start paying off my credit card as well as always having more than enough money for rent, meaning that I could also help put money into our lifetime ISA for our future home. I learnt all about film photography, was able to go on a few adventures and I made amazing memories with both friends and family. So why am I now struggling to move forward with this New Year and find that spark that normally urges me on.
Is it because I am finally beginning to feel content with my life? Over the last couple of years since battling the worst and lowest point of my struggle with depression, I have been steadily moving forward and building myself back up. Everyday I take another step forward in my journey to a happy and balanced life. although some of my journal posts may try to persuade you otherwise. I am growing and learning patience with everyday that passes and with each day that does pass my big life goals grow closer. When the clock struck midnight I was so happy and excited as I realised what this decade really held for me. I had always been fascinated with the 1920s never realising the prime years of my life were going to be in the 2020s and this was what I’d always been destined for. This will be the decade in which I get married, buy a house and start a family. The decade where I’ll make the best memories of my life which I will reminisce with friends about in our years to come when our kids are all grown.
Writing this I realise I don’t need to find that spark of motivation to sort my life out like I did last year because I’ve already done those hardest steps for myself, getting started. Now’s the point in my life to carry on with the foundations that I have laid and allow the next moments in my life to come to me the way they were always meant to do. Now is the time where I begin to enjoy life.
So yea I may be struggling to get out of bed at the moment but that’s because I’ve been working hard. All my current dreams are on there way to becoming a reality so why do I need to keep pushing myself to breaking point. The answer I don’t. Now I just need to focus on the little things that are going to make me happy in the meantime while the big things slowly work their way towards me. So here’s to 2020 and enjoying the little things.